Day 111

I had my Level 3 iO class tonight.  I really love it.  Tonight we just worked on opening ourselves up, discovering the tactics we use to protect ourselves when we're uncomfortable on stage, and really vibing our scene partners.

It's always such an awakening. 

Things have been so crazy that when it was my turn to really just open up to everything, I'm shocked I didn't cry.  In fact, I ended up laughing.  

I also ended up realizing that when I get uncomfortable, I close my eyes.  I never noticed, but once Jet pointed it out, it couldn't have been more obvious to me.  Honestly, everytime I say or do something that makes me question myself, whether on stage or in real life, I close my eyes.  Usually it's in a laugh, but I close my eyes nonetheless.  It's as though I'm pretending I'm invisible, or trying to reboot or fast forward the moment.  If I can't see it, they can't see me and it's all not happening.

I'm really gonna try to stop doing that.  I mean, I could be missing out on so much that way.  Think of the moments I already have missed.