Day 104

Thank God for improv.

I had my first Level 3 at iO with Jet this evening.  Mind-blowing.  And much needed.

I was able to experience and deal with all of the emotions and situations from the past week in a healthy and healing way.

One of those situations actually sprung up right before class.  I guess I brought it on.  I mean, I asked the question.  But I think what sent me from being understanding to being angry was the nearly 24-hour delay in response.

If I ask a somewhat important or deep question--something that is probably uncomfortable to answer because you know I've picked up on whatever it is--it's not cool to just let it hang there...for hours.

A simple "Yes, we should talk about this but I'm busy blah blah blahing right now." would suffice.  At least I wouldn't be sitting there, in addition to all of the other loads of suck I'm currently bathing in, thinking I've just made an ass of myself yet again.

And maybe I shouldn't have flown off the handle as quickly as I did in this situation, but I haven't exactly been in the best spirits lately (as hard as I've tried).  And the fact that I knew what was going on the entire time, but I couldn't get confirmation just made the whole thing worse.

I don't like to feel used.  I don't like to feel like I'm being misunderstood.  I don't like feeling like someone thinks I'm blatantly unaware of the obvious...ignorance is bliss...true...but I"m intuitive, not ignorant.

So dealing with that situation only a couple hours before class was not ideal.  However, like I said, I got to experience those emotions *in* class.  I initiated a scene with it.  I created a pretend version of it.  Sure it was different than the actual circumstances.  (Actually, it went much more smoothly than the actual circumstances.)  But it was a healthy way to deal and let it go.

Which I semi-successfully did.  We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Also, please check out Breakfast Club: The Totally 80's Musical!  It's super fun.  The cast is super talented. And the director is awesome.  Seriously.  Fun times.