Day 100

I felt super energized today.  I also had some good news come my way.  More on that in the days to come though.

Highlight of my day?  A NERF gun war with Max.  Followed by a NERF gun ambush on his dad later in the evening.  We went over there for dinner as Max wanted to spend some extra time with him.  It was fun.  We ordered pizza and laughed and watched Mythbusters.

Got lots o' stuff to do tomorrow.

Day 99

I was exhausted today.  I think the mental and emotional strain just finally took their toll.  Nothing exciting to report.  Just a lot of sitting around with Max and early to bed.

Actually, I fell asleep on the couch watching Mythbusters...and was inundated with dreams of weird infomercial products.  Nice.

Day 98

I find it fitting that what I'm about to write occurred  only two days before my 100th day of being 29.

A quick introduction:  The Return of Saturn marks a year of great change and adjustment, or so it's thought.  And when I began this blog I had that in mind the entire time.  That there would be shifts and periods of growth and the gaining of experience and knowledge to help shape my life and my journey.

And I was not wrong.

I am no longer employed at my company.

I am not going to go into details.  This is a private matter and only the relevant parties need any details.  All that needs to be said is that a journey has ended, and a new one begun.

It's a difficult time, but I'm more confident than I ever have been, thanks to what I've learned by going through this and from my improv training, amongst other things.

I will start  fresh.  With new goals and dreams.  And as sad as I am to let go of one of the best experiences of my life to date, and one of my greatest accomplishments, I am excited to see what new experiences are going to come my way.

Although, if you see me, please feel free to give me a hug, a pat on the back, or buy me a drink.  I'm staying positive, but I'm only human, and sometimes I get a little down about the whole thing.

Also, thank goodness, Shakespeare was awesome and hilarious tonight.  And I had a good friend to lean on, which was awesome.

Day 97

Things are still hard.  I won't go into details, but they are.

But, thankfully, there was my Thursday night improv class.  I was so inspired, so motivated, and filled with so much joy and confidence in those 3 hours, that I'm pretty sure I know how to handle whatever happens.

My heart seems to know the right answer.

On another note, I completely schooled some guy friends in Rock Band tonight.  I mean, blew them away.  They were playing Easy in No Fail mode.  I rocked Hard and Expert.  It was amazing.

And just what I needed to boost my confidence that much more.

Day 96

Had somethings to take care of...then I went to lunch at Smith and Wollensky followed by a 4 hour writing marathon at Starbucks.  Then I hit a few shows at iO.  These things all greatly helped me to stay positive and focused.

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Day 95

Today was spent much more proactively.

I was forced to face myself and the situation, and really look into everything.  To be honest with myself. 

Again, I hung out with Max and his dad in the evening.  Company keeps me from getting down on myself...and from missing positive moments with Max.

Tomorrow, I'm going out to lunch in the city in order to clear my mind and just try to keep myself from getting caught up in any negativity or bad energy.  Afterward, I plan to write more of my novel.  Writing brings me peace.  And I need a little peace right now.

Day 94

Well, shit.

So, I came into work today, feeling even sicker than last night.  No joke, I was considering going to Urgent Care.  I mean, I've had a mild chest irritation for a little while, and today my chest just felt like it was caving in.  I mean, it physically felt like a boulder was pushing down on my chest.

Not to mention the uneasiness and anxiety that came along with it.

I knew what was coming.  I physically and emotionally knew.

And I was entirely right.  As this is a public forum, I don't want to go into details, but it's not the best news..

...outwardly.  However, underneath the craptasticness of it all, I realize that it's happening for a reason.

And once it was all revealed to me, well, the bad energy that had been hovering around me over the weekend and today all went away.

I have a lot to think about and consider over the course of the week.

I went home early from work, and for the next few hours, was a bit of a zombie.  Thankfully, Max's dad watched Max so I could take out some sadness on my rock band drums and just get to a comfort level that allowed me to come over, eat something (for the first time all day) and try and figure this all out and come to terms with it all.

Needless to say, sleep did not come easy.

Day 93

Short entry.  Why?  Today is just weird.  I feel incredibly off.

I know my energy felt odd yesterday, but today?  Today it's just inexplicably, what's the word?  Well, not right.

I don't think I'm coming down with anything, but, you know that feeling you get when you leave the house and think you've forgotten something?  That weird voice or feeling that's telling you something?   Like your intuition is off the charts?  And you can physically feel it?

That's been today.  I'm going to go to bed and meditate heavily.  I think I know what this is stemming from, but we shall see.

Day 92

I could not get off my ass today.  Seriously.  There's something funky with my energy this weekend.

I wanted to go out to the city and catch a few shows, but I just couldn't get motivated enough to get ready in a decent amount of time.

So, instead, I wound up at an Indiana bar in my hometown with my cousin Melissa and a few of our other friends.  It actually ended up being a nice couple of hours.

She even convinced me to take action that's needed for my one-woman show I'm writing.  I'm not going to get into the details, as it's still in its infancy, but I'm super stoked about it.

After that, she got a bit tipsy, while I remained very sober.  No seriously, I was even too lazy to drink properly.  And we started talking about sending random golden items into Cash for Gold.

I know, it doesn't really sound funny now, but at the time it was hilarious.  My favorite?

"Hi, Cash for Gold?  I have a golden shower.  How much can I get for this?"

Yeah, pretty junior high, but even as an adult, preteen humor is sometimes needed...

...and always hilarious.

Day 91

Played some Call of Duty at work today.  We haven't done that in a while.  It felt really good.  (Especially since I realized that I haven't lost my mediocre ability to shoot and hide since the last time I played in, oh, March 2009?)

After work, I headed off to iO for my intern shift.  Shakespeare was on it as usual.  Last term I worked downstairs in the Cabaret, so working upstairs in the Del Close Theater is a fun change of pace.

After my shift, I decided that even through my tiredness, I'd go up for the line games at the Jam.  It was a particularly rowdy crowd, but I carefully picked my moments, and managed to win a few of the audience members over.

I even heard, "Red!  You're the shit!  You hear that?  The redhead is the shit!"

Nothing that I did on stage was monumental.  I have an ability to create pretty good puns, because as a writer, it comes naturally.  I'm not sure I'm exactly proud of this ability.  (I was once informed that puns are considered the lowest form of comedy...)  But in those games, puns are good things.  And beyond that, selling whatever it is you're about to let spill from your lips with complete confidence is the most important part of the game. 

And hopefully, I did just that.

Afterward, two veteran improvisers whose work I really look up to and enjoy came up to me, separately.  One patted me on the shoulder and simply said, "Nice work tonight."  And the other gave me a high five and said, "You really won 'em over tonight.  I think you have a fan club now."

It was definitely a great moment for me on this improv journey I've been taking since January of 2009.  And it's an experience I'm going to keep in my back pocket to remind myself that with confidence, anything is possible.

Day 90

Well, Thursdays are one of my favorite days of the week.  This is mainly due to the fact that I have my iO improv class on Thursday nights.

Of course, we were launching a project at work tonight, so I was running about 20 minutes late to class, but I made it.  I missed the warm ups, but I made it.

I discovered that playing without warming up is EXTREMELY difficult.  Not impossible, but definitely more difficult.

We dealt with matching energy today.  And after class I decided to go on over to the Playground for Open Court.  (10:30pm, $5, The Playground Theater on Halsted.  I encourage you all to check it out.)

Afterwards, Eric and I went to Greektown for a quick bite to eat.  I've discovered I like flaming cheese.  A lot.  Tomorrow is Friday.  Thank goodness for small miracles.

Day 89

There used to be a time in my life when I hated the idea of doing or being surrounded by something embarrassing.

It was called being a teenager.

However, these days, I actually enjoy these moments. 

The only reason I thought of this today was because as I was getting out of my car after work, I completely bit it on the asphalt. 

It had been raining.  And that rain froze.  And thusly, it coated the ground in a moderately thin layer of pure ice.  So, as I placed my foot on the ground while stepping out of the car, I had absolutely no traction.

I basically poured out of my car, onto the ground, after which I proceeded to flail around a bit while desperately trying to stand up.  I was laughing at myself hysterically.  And then I did the typical "look around to make sure no one just saw that display" after which I laughed some more.

And then I actually wished someone had seen it.  Because it was pretty hilarious. 

And all of this made me think:  those moments of pure "holy crap I can't believe that just happened ha ha ha how embarrassing"  are actually pretty wonderful.  They're not things we should try to avoid (unless they cause actual harm, of course), but moments we should embrace...because they become stories.

And stories?  Well, stories are what make life so much more interesting.

Day 88

After I picked Max up from his Nana's and got home, I started to make myself dinner (he'd already eaten) and proceeded to load the dirty dishes from the sink into the dishwasher.

As I rinsed, I heard Max's feet come padding around the corner from the hall.

"Hey Mom," he said in his little elf-like voice.  "What did you always want to be when you grew up when you were little?  Like, always?"

I had to pause for a second.  "Um...let me think," I replied.

I started to list off in my head the occupations I could remember:

A teacher?
An astronaut?
A housewife?
A model?

But when I really got down to it...of all the dreams I wish I had accomplished, I guess it would have been to be an actress.

"Oh, I don't know, " I said.  "An actress?  Maybe?"

Max got an odd look on his face, and sort of lit up.

"Well, then...you did it.  You are an actress."

I was puzzled, and let out a giggle.  "What do you mean?"  I asked, shoving a coffee cup into the top rack.

"You're an actress with improv, Mom.  That counts."

"I guess you're right.  I mean, it's not my career.  I'm not famous or anything...not that that matters but--"

Max cut me off mid sentence.  "You might be someday.  But you are an actress. So you did it."  He proudly traipsed out of the kitchen and back into the living room. 

I rinsed the last dish and placed it in the dishwasher, closing the door.  After a pause, I stood there in the solitude and contentment of realizing that the little boy in the next room -- the one who I want, more than anything, to succeed at whatever his heart desires -- has been paying close enough attention to notice that I've been realizing my own dreams this entire time...no matter what the obstacles might be. 

And I just hope, above all else, that he sees that anything is possible if you're determined to make it so.  I hope that all of my roadblocks and hurdles and the crazy detours that I've taken have cleared some sort of path for his unique journey.

Day 87

MLK Day = A day off of work.

I took most of the morning/afternoon to just relax.  I even took a nap.

Then I headed to Max's dad's house where we ate dinner: lamb roast, peas, and cous cous.  It was actually delicious.  (I couldn't remember if I liked lamb or not.  Turns out, I kind of do.  At least on this occasion, I thought it was pretty darned good.)

After dinner we watched the animated film "9" and I ended up tearing up a little at the end.  I thought it was good--a little weird--but good.

All in all, quite a nice day off.

Next up: shower, p-jams, comfy bed, meditation.

Also, I need to start working out again...starting tomorrow.  Gah.

Day 86

The entire day was spent cleaning.  I mean everything.  Floors, laundry, kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms, bed linens, EVERYTHING.  (Except, come to think of it, glass and windows...whoops.)

Max's dad took him for the evening.  Because of MLK Day he had the night off as well as Monday.  We'll all be doing something together tomorrow.  A movie I think.

I took a trip to Meijer, dressed like a middle-of-the-night fire victim:  hair pulled up messily, dingy pajama pants, knitted bootie socks, shoes one should not wear with socks (amplified by the fact that my pants were flood-length), no makeup, my black pea coat, and mismatched gloves, hat, and scarf. 

I looked a mess.  What's worse?  I was buying candles and underwear.  I imagine that the people who caught a glimpse of me, and then a glimpse of what was in my shopping basket were saying, "Holy hell.  Is she planning some sort of rendezvous?  And, if so, who in the world would possibly be joining such a hot mess?!"

Or maybe that was just me.  But I needed candles.  And I needed underwear.  And the Lean Cuisines and juice mixes that I picked up on the way out as well.  I tell ya, I don't tend to think about the combination of items I'm purchasing...

...especially not in relation to my current state of dress.

I'm sure one day I'll show up, dressed to the nines, picking up something like motor oil, a jar of pickles, a package of Hot Wheels cars, and tampons.

Day 85

"Oh, Christ."

That pretty much sums up today...in its entirety.  One silly thing after another.  Which ended up culminating into a nice visit from Melissa, including some mimosas and conversation.

Here's what I learned today:

1.) Sometimes, I don't make very rational decisions.  And although I like to tell myself I learn from everything, well...sometimes I don't pay attention to what I've learned.  C'est la vie...

2.) If I'm in a state of confusion with myself, it's really hard to stay focused.  Luckily I've gotten pretty darned good at playing pretend when it comes to my mood during mom-duty.  I've gotten putting on a "everything is wonderful" mask down to a science.  That said, Max and I had some fun laughing and playing board games, even though I was somewhat mopey underneath it all. 

3.) I've realized that my life is a dichotomy.  There's the carefree, fun-loving, exciting side...and there's the more mundane, responsible, yet still happy and fun-loving side.   In short:  There's Tiff (Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and every other Saturday) and Tiff-lite (Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and every other Saturday).  I happen to like both sides.  The problem is, it's really hard to get people involved in both versions, either they're friends who like to hang out with Tiff-lite and friends who like to hang out with Tiff.  The latter are far, far more rare. 

Put it this way, on the days when I'm at home, playing Legos with Max and cleaning, or watching TV on my couch while Max plays, well, no one really comes around.  If I want to go to the zoo, or the park, or the museum with Max, it's just me taking him there.  And it gets a little lonely I guess.  I don't have any parent friends, really.  Especially none my age.  It's hard, ya know?  I have a ton of fun with Max.  He is incredible.  And sometimes I guess I just wish that other people in my life could experience that too...because it's a HUGE part of who I am.  And also, Max...is hilarious.

On the days when Max is with his dad, I see my friends, do improv, work extra hours if needed, stay out late, explore, and occasionally, yes, sit alone at home watching movies and enjoy my alone time.  And during these times, people don't mind hanging out with me.  Why would they?  But once I return to the other half of the week, it's as if I don't exist in their worlds anymore.  And maybe that's just me...making it seem that way.  Magnifying something that in reality isn't true.  But once in a while...just once in a while...I would love it if a friend called me and wanted to do something with me AND Max.  I honestly don't know if, in the past 2 years, that's ever happened. 

And it's painful.

4.) It's puzzling to Melissa and I, why women are looked upon as the inferior sex in most cases, even though we both know way more women with their shit together in their mid to late 20's than men.  Interesting.

5.) Doing something the same way but expecting a different outcome is really stupid...but I still do it all the time.

6.) Pants on the ground, pants on the ground...lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground.

Day 84

I feel like the only appropriate thing to write about today is *sigh*.

The 8pm show was completely sold out tonight...which is always good, but hectic.  Then again, I enjoy the rush of trying to keep things under control when it gets to be a little high pressure. Maybe that's weird, but that's just how it is.

Ended up leaving right after my shift to grab some eggs Benedict at the ol' Hollywood Grill with Eric.  There's nothing like late night breakfast food to make me smile.  (Even if fear of a gall bladder attack is looming in the back of my mind.)

But even my gall bladder knows the magic that is eggs Benedict.  Which. Is. Awesome.

There's probably more to tell about my Friday, but, I'll leave you with what's already been written.  I've gotta stay mysterious, right?

Day 83

"Like there's a snake in it!"

That sentence will make sense in a moment...First though, we played reality in Level 3 today, something I've been doing less of in my improvisation because playing characters tends to get me out of my head more quickly.  That's not to say I can't or won't play real, it's just I'm working on letting go and being confident...and putting a character veil on seems to help me do that.

So when it was announced, I got a little anxious.  Not bad anxious...excited anxious.  Like "this is the moment where I can test my confidence in a scene."

I had some hits and misses.  Early on, mostly misses...but the thing was?  I wasn't missing because I wasn't committing.  And in that respect, it was a hit.  I mean, even if I thought what I was doing was boring, I didn't judge myself, I just kept on going, repeating in my head "be confident in EVERYTHING you're doing up here, Tiff."

The moment I realized that I was doing this, the more comfortable I felt to just let go in a scene.

And that's when I made another realization...

...it's hard to retell what happened in an improv scene.  It doesn't sound as interesting or funny as when it's experienced---fresh, in the moment.  So I won't bother you with the details.  This is all you need to know:

My scene partner and I were playing roommates, and we were dealing with a jug of sour milk.  He asked me to watch him open it, this apparently swollen, assumedly stinky bottle of milk.  And he said, "When I open it, it's gonna, it's gonna..." He searched for the right word.

"It's gonna SSSSSSSssssssssssssssssss!"  he exclaimed.

"Hiss!"  I exclaimed back.

"Yeah, it's gonna hiss!" He fumbled with the improv milk jug some more.

That's when I honestly replied, "Like there's a snake in it!"

I didn't say it to be funny.  I didn't say it because I planned it out.  I didn't say it because I was trying to yes and with something off-the-wall.

I said it...
...because had that been a real situation, that's precisely the thing I would have said.

I realized that even when I play real, I'm allowed to be somewhat quirky and ridiculous...because in real-life, well, I am those things. 

And that?  That...was an amazing realization.

Day 82

A little note:
Rereading yesterday's post, I realize it might have come across as less general than it was intended.  I feel the need to explain: The "puppy" was representative of my usual patterns.  In all aspects.  The things I do when I know I should be trying something different...but it's so comfortable and seemingly safe, I end up deciding against scaring myself and stepping out into "something unknown" (also known as "the goldfish").


So, yeah.  In case it wasn't clear.  (Which, as I reread it, I realized it completely wasn't.)

Anyhow...

Today at work, a group of us donated our time at the Greater Chicago Food Depository.  I wasn't sure what to expect, but man, it was really, really awesome.  We repackaged milk and bread, and just had a great time.  It felt really good to help give back.  It actually made me want to do it more...thusly, I will be looking into more volunteer opportunities this year.

I mean, I know sometimes I worry about things.  Little things.  Things that in the grand scheme of...erm...things...are piddly and insignificant.  And although I know that my problems and struggles are valid, I realize that they're really not all that bad for the most part.

Spending that time in the food bank reminded me of how blessed I am, not only to have food on the table, but to have such an amazing team of coworkers, to have the physical strength and capability to write out milk labels and sling heavy cases of milk onto pallets, to have a wonderful family, an amazing son, and old friends and new friends that completely rock my world.

So maybe I did go on a tangent about the Puppy and the Trashbin scenario.  And maybe it was a little premature.  But, I do sometimes feel that way.  The good thing is?  I realize that those moments are fleeting...and they're put in my path to learn from.  And I'll be damned if I don't remember that every single time I experience anything.  That I'm learning something.  I'm growing.

I once heard the story of the saying "This too shall pass" and it's stuck with me for years.

In short:  A king wanted someone to create for him a saying he could look to in good times and bad.  Something amazing, humbling, and inspiring.  Many tried, but nothing seemed to work for this king.  Then one day, a man came to him with a sign reading, "And this too shall pass."  The king looked puzzled, and asked the man how this phrase could possibly amaze, humble, and inspire him through all times.  The man said, "When times are bad, look to this sign to remember that eventually, things will get better.  When times are good, again, look to this sign to remember that in an instant everything can change so be grateful for this moment."

I don't know, I've always loved that saying ever since I heard that story.  Because it is, so true. 

So, regardless of how seemingly awesome or unawesome things might be...I guess I've learned I need to remember that this moment will eventually pass...

...and in its place, something else...another chance to grow and learn.  And I should remain grateful no matter what.

Day 81

So, things have been weird lately.  Like something is completely off.  This tends to happen occasionally. For weeks I'll be riding this crazy high like:  "Woo hoo!  Everything is in place.  I've got my shit together.  Things are fantastic!  The world is beautiful and fun."

And then BAM!...one day I wake up, look around, and my life looks less like an organized bookshelf and more like the kitchen floor after the family dog decided to ransack the trash bin overnight.  Pieces and chunks of garbage I thought I got rid of, just strewn there in my face, sploshed across the cabinets and spewing all over the Pergo.  Won-der-ful. 

What's worse?  You can't really blame the dog.  He doesn't know any better.  You should have remembered the last time this happened (because it's happened many, many times) and sealed up the bin better.  Put it away.  Heck, taken the trash completely outside before bed. 

And it doesn't help that you constantly feed him scraps from the table...knowing it's not exactly right, but giving in because...and let's face it...those eyes?  Those sweet puppy eyes?  They can be so damned deceiving.  It's so easy to forget that behind those eyes there's a feral beast, only out for those table scraps. 

You've set him up.  Made it easy. 

And when you walk into the kitchen and see the mess, you realize that damned dog is nowhere to be found...hiding off somewhere, gnawing on the bone of some leftover chicken...reveling in his accomplishment.  Maybe he's even run away completely.  To a neighbor's house.  Where there's a buffet of new table scraps...

...and a bigger, much more accessible trash bin in the kitchen.

So you clean it up.  You remind yourself not to let this happen again.  And even in your anger, you think about your dog, and his big, sad eyes, and you look out the window a few times.  Rush to the door at the slightest sound.  Check the patio every few minutes. 

And if and when he does come back...drooling, jumping, happy to see you...you know--you know--all that anger and all those promises you made to yourself about the table scraps and the trash bin are going straight down the drain.

And you think to yourself..."Well shit...maybe I should just get a goldfish."

So yeah, that's the metaphor for the past few weeks.  Finding out your dog has decimated your kitchen when you weren't looking, pondering a new choice in pets to try and stop it from happening again.

On a related note, my coworker brought his dog, Beatrix, into work today:

Adorable.

(See?  There I go again...sheesh...)

Day 80

Sometimes my cats annoy me, too...and I just want them to go to sleep.   But this is a solution I hadn't yet considered...

...ah, random Munster Target customer...you made my day with this juxtaposition.

Day 79

I took down all the Christmas decorations.  Well everything but the giant bear and his squirrel sidekick.  I figure, they're more "wintery" than "Christmasy" so they could stay out until like, March.

What the shit?  This blog entry has started out terribly lame.  Forgive.

Really, the greatest things that happened today were:  I got to hang out with Maxwell all day and we discovered that there's a mediterranean place just down the street that delivers.  (I know for you Chicagoans, this is no big deal...but in Indiana?  It's amazing.)  It's called Pita Kabab.

And dare I say it?  Their schwarma is *gasp* better than Aladdin Pita's.  (I know, I know, I feel weird saying that...)  It's more tender, albeit a tad bit on the fattier side, but the flavor is ridiculously awesome.  The hummus, babaganoush, and pitas were about the same...but Aladdin Pita wins in the lentil soup category. 

In short, I now have two favorite mediterranean restaurants in my back yard. And I recommend both of them to anyone venturing out to the region.  You can't really go wrong.  Yum.

Completely unrelated to fun times with my son or delicious mediterranean food, I truly need to start meditating again.  My energies are all out of whack.  It's no good.  I'm overthinking, misinterpreting, being negative (and mildly passive aggressive...I know, I know...).  Ick.  So, I'm on the hunt for where I packed my guided meditation CDs.  I really hope I can find one. 

Day 78

I need to stop having expectations.

About anything.

Ever.

I was hoping to have a fun-filled, chill, Saturday night.  With the holidays over, it was the first Saturday night in almost a month where I wasn't exhausted from holiday activities, or scheduled to work an extra intern shift, or had to be up early.  It was a normal Saturday I could use as I pleased.

I ended up sleeping the day away, and using the next few hours to dye my hair, take a bubble bath, play some Rock Band, and get ready to hit the town.

I should have known better.  I should have sat on the couch in my p-jams, with some champagne, watching Bridget Jones's Diary for the 400th time.

I should have.

Instead, I headed into Chicago, and save for some great shows, what a complete let down.

I knew it was time to leave when someone pointed to the huge blemish that had erupted on my forehead and said, "Hey?  Did you get into a cat fight?  What happened there?!"

Thank you.  So in other words, no...my attempts to cover it up did not work at all then.  Awesome.

I ended up visiting Max's dad and some old friends at the bar he works at.  (Inside, however, and even though it was fun, I was still wishing I had chosen the p-jams, booze, and movie on my couch...)

I hopped into a cab to where my car was parked, it was far too cold to wait for trains or walk the nearly 2 blocks to my car from the station...we're talking like 2 damned degrees cold. 

The cab driver was incredibly nice.  We spent the ride talking about the life of penguins.  How if their eggs touch the ground for as little as a minute, they freeze, and the embryo dies.  How the females leave for two months at a time to find food while the males watch the egg and keep it warm.  How they know each other by sound alone.  How they have to trek 70 miles to get to the water.  And how, if the mother dies while out searching for food, the egg the father worked so hard to protect will hatch, but the baby penguin will starve.  We also talked about the VW Bug he bought for $100 when he first came to America...and how it had no heat.

And all this reminded me that really, even on a night like this...things aren't that bad.

(Although, I'm still going to wallow in my own self-pity for a while...sometimes it's what you need to flush it all out, regroup one's thoughts and start over.)

Day 77

This is written on the inside of the stall door in the women's bathroom in the DCT at iO.  I don't know why I felt the need to capture it on film.

Of course, underneath it says "Marry Me!" Followed by "Someone in Chicago loves me!"  And under that: "Yes. But they're not IN love with you."  This particular stall gives me a complex.  So many mixed messages.

Day 76

Today was my first day of Level 3 at iO.  Loved every minute of it.  My instructor is really, really smart and hilarious.  And my classmates are all super talented.  I can't wait to progress through and just have a lot of fun with scenework. 

Also, ah...I'm thinking too much lately. 

I should stop.

Really.

Of course, it's usually a sign that my intuition is trying to tell me something...and I should listen.  Problem is?  I've got mixed messages.  Bah.  See?  There I go again. 

Ignore me...

...please.

Also:  Fret-rubbing is nice.  (98% of Chicagoans won't get what that means ;)  )

Day 75

After work, I decided to hit the Starbucks on Addison, and sit and write.  I wrote for 2 full hours.  Again, by hand.  Afterwards I stopped by iO to check out Felt and a Harold, but the gall bladder was acting a little funky, so afterwards I headed straight home. 

I also wanted to beat the massive snowstorm that was predicted to hit. 

I got comfy, pkayed a little rock band, and then curled up into bed with The Lovely Bones. 

Sometimes it's nice not to have anything super-exciting to write about...it means I'm still making time to relax...

...which is equally as important as making time to do awesome fun things.

Day 74

My son is a prodigy.

Okay, okay, maybe not, but he did super-impress me this evening.

For Christmas he'd gotten a 500-page children's novel called "The Mysterious Benedict Society."  It literally has smaller print than the book I'm reading.

I was worried the sheer size of it would deter him from ever reading it, so when I tucked him in tonight I suggested I read him the first chapter out loud.  I got about 15 pages in when I realized it was getting late.  When I went to put the book down, he begged me to let him have 15 more minutes to read it.

Considering that he typically falls asleep with a book in his hands, I obliged, figuring that when I came to bed in an hour I'd have to pull the drooled-on manuscript from his sleeping hands.

Not so.  When I got up the stairs, there he was--still awake reading the book. 

"It's midnight, Max!  Bed!"

"I know, but it's SO GOOD!  Just two more minutes."

Again, I obliged, as I still had to get things in order to get myself to bed.  As I pulled back my covers and plugged in my cell phone, he came into my room.

"My arms are getting tired.  Could you just read me a couple more pages?  I promise I'll go to sleep."

I couldn't say no.  I mean, this was a matter of fine literature...at least for a 9-year-old.  And I was proud that he wasn't intimidated by the size of this book.  That he actually enjoyed it so much he couldn't put it down.  That's such an awesome feeling.

He curled up into my bed with me and handed me the book.

"What page?"  I asked.  I don't know what I was expecting...maybe page 25 or 30.  Max flipped through the book.

"This one."  His finger traced down the page.  "I left off right here."

I looked at the page number:  64.  The child had read 50 pages in an hour.  At first I thought maybe he skipped a few pages, but as I read, he began to react to things...things I couldn't react to because I had missed the past 50 pages.  He was laughing at things that to me made no sense, but he had read about something relating to them in the previous pages.  He had actually read those pages.  Became absorbed by them.  Couldn't put the book down.

After a few pages, I closed the book and we talked about it for a few minutes before I turned out the light, rubbed his little arm, and he fell asleep.

As a writer, I couldn't stop thinking about how incredibly happy I was that my little spawn understood the power of a great story. 

Before he had crawled into bed, I had been putting off starting my novel.  But after that moment, after he fell asleep, I turned the light back on, picked up my pen and notebook and actually started writing. 

That child...that child inspires me.  Every single day.

Day 73

Back to the same 'ol same 'ol.  Worked, picked up Max, watched Hoarders together.

Typical Monday.  Nothing of note occured.

Then again, maybe I haven't been looking hard enough.

Well...shit.

Day 72

I made a discovery today:

If I fail to put in my contacts, instead choosing to remain in my eyeglasses all day, I am undeniably super-unproductive.

Then again, maybe it was just the realization that after today the world, and my weeks, return to normal, but I didn't accomplish a single thing I'd hoped to accomplish.  Nothing.

Instead, I just spent the day with Max, lounging around...both of us trying to hang on to every little minute and stretch it out as far as it would go.

But alas, we only got 60 seconds out of each, and now it's time for bed.  Meaning Monday is just around the corner.

It truly was a crazy and amazing past couple weeks though. 

Here's hoping 2010 is as interesting, fun, and brilliant as my 2009.

It's The Year of Creative Endeavors (and Continued Self-Discovery)...

...so I guess, really, it has to be.

Day 71

I got to sleep in today because Max was still asleep at his Nana's when I called to see what time I needed to pick him up.  That was nice.

After I drove back from the city and got him, it was around 2pm.  We basically spent the day lounging around...well I did chores.  It was high-time I caught up on the laundry.

I love laundry day.  Especially since I have a 9-year-old. It's always a treat to see what he's hidden in his pockets each week.  Here were today's treasures:

A pretty nice crop of randomness if you ask me.

Not quite as interesting as the time I found 5 or 6 crusty shrimp tails, but still...

Day 70

New Year's Day.

I pretty much slept for most of the day.  Recooperation was necessary.  I had to work a shift at iO tonight, and for the first Friday in ages, well, I didn't stay for the rest of the Jam.  I actually didn't even play.  I was beat.  It was busy, which is awesome...but after a super late night of NYE festivities, it was pretty brutal.

I ended up crashing at a friend's place.  I was considerably too tired to drive all the way back to Indiana. 

When I got there, he was reading a book he'd gotten for Christmas.  I've been trying to reread The Lovely Bones after 6 years.  I want to refresh before I go see the movie adaptation of the book.

So, for about an hour we both laid there, reading our respective books.  And actually?  It was really nice.  I mean, I'd never done that before.  Just sat there with someone, reading separately but together. 

I've discovered I'm a vocal reader...audibly relating my reactions to what I'm reading to the rest of the room:  laughter, sighs, grunts of disgust, tears.  Everything. 

My friend is not.  And I'm really hoping I didn't annoy him to high heaven with my reactions.  I don't think I did though. 

Eventually, we both fell asleep.  Reading has a way of tugging at your eyelids after a while.  All in all, a wonderful day.